Sibling volunteers sister to help a cousin move without asking, lies about it, then calls her selfish when she refuses to give up her weekend: ‘You’re free on Saturdays. You don’t really do much anyway’

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  • My sibling volunteered my time to look generous…. Without asking me

    A woman sits at a candlelit dinner table with drinks and food in the foreground, resting her chin on her hand and looking unimpressed while a text overlay reads “I told everyone I wasn’t helping,” suggesting social tension and quiet judgment during a group gathering
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  • Last month, my sibling invited a few relatives over to my place. I didn't mind. I cooked, cleaned, bought the food, and figured it would just be a Lowkey family night.
  • During dinner, on of my cousin mentioned they were moving soon and were stressed doing it alone.
  • Before I could even react, my sibling jumped in and said, "oh, don't worry. They'll help you move this weekend." I laugh because I thought it was a joke and said "wait....
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  • What??" My sibling didn't even look at me. "You're free on Saturdays. You don't really do much anyway." I said "you didn't ask me." They rolled their eyes and replied "why are you making this awkward?
  • It's family." And I said "I'm not trying to be awkward. I just want you to ask me first." Later that night, my cousin pulled me aside and thanked me for "being so generous," then mentioned my sibling has already told them I insisted on helping to make up for a favor i apparently owed.
  • The only thing she's helping with that weekend will be helping herself to some rest.

    A woman reclining on a couch reaches toward the camera with her hand in the foreground, creating a blurred perspective, while she looks directly ahead with a calm, neutral expression in a cozy indoor living space.
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  • That favor? Lending my sibling money the month before... which they still haven't paid back. The next day I told everyone I wasn't helping.
  • My sibling blew up, saying I made them look bad and embarrassed them in front of the family.
  • Now I'm being called selfish for refusing to give up my weekend to cover for a promise I never made.
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  • BidRevolutionary945 NTJ. Your sibling had no right to do that and how does that make up for them owing you money??? You have zero obligation to help out. Why isn't your sibling helping w/ the move? After all, 'it's family'.
  • OP DiligentResponseDog Yeah, that's how exactly how it felt. If "it's family" really mattered, they could've helped themselves or at least paid me back first. Instead it only came up when it was convenient for them. That's what made it sting the most.
  • ToreenLyn I also hate being voluntold to do things
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  • Garden_Lady2 I think the perfect response would be to tell them you are going to be busy on Saturday by looking for a weekend job. Say it's because you've lent out money but haven't gotten it back yet. You're not a bank and you're not free labor.
  • PrestigeWrldwide2020 NTJ. 'Actually, I'm going to be out of town.' Or just 'No'. No is a complete sentence.
  • Severe-Possible- your sibling is free saturday and can help them move. you're busy.
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  • LandscapeSalt1026 NTJ this is more about respect
  • Cranky70something NTJ. Your sibling needs to fuck all the way off. And pay you back.
  • Jen5872 NTJ. You tell your sibling that she will never volunteer you for anything again and that she still owes you money. You tell everyone else that if they need a favor, they ask you directly and don't listen to anyone volunteering you for anything.
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  • Sassys_Corgi_Rescue NTA! Your sibling brought it up in front of others so you'd feel obligated to do it to "keep the peace"! Good for you for speaking up for yourself! Now just send something to the sibling advising them that they still owe you money that needs to be paid back immediately! Then steer clear of that sibling. They are trying to control your actions and you don't need that kind of person in your life!
  • Adelucas I don't have ages here, but you need to start growing a spine and telling your sibling they owe you money, and saying no to everything your sibling voluntells you to do. Even if you can do it and are happy to do it (like being told you are hosting a meal) refuse and tell everyone you were never asked and didn't say yes. If they want something they need to ask you first. Doormats are only good for walking on and wiping your feet. Don't be a doormat. And don't lend your sibling any more m

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